shit happens

我只是习惯了这一切 不代表我不难过

definition of depression 

they are the monsters that came out from under my bed

and made their new home in the depths of my head

there are so many types of sadness


there's that kind
that i want to get rid of
so i watch friends
listen to happy music
find someone to talk to

there's that kind
when you know you're sad
but you just want to isolate yourself
and drown in that pool of emotions
listen to hippie music
read quotes about life
drink tea
light some kush
and basically just feel empty

there's that kind
when you try to please everyone
when one day you sit there thinking
how about me ; when is it my turn?

there's that kind
where everyone starts getting addicted to something to take the pain away.

there's that kind
the one thing you'd never do to them
they did to you without hesitation

there's that kind
where smiling too much starts to hurt
when being sad but you can't show how much it hurts.

there's that kind
when you try so hard to make everyone around you happy.
but they're the same people who tried to drown you.

there's that kind
when fake people don't surprise you anymore
it's the real ones that do

there's that kind
when things get hectic as a game ; judgement
where words passed on becomes sentences
creating phrases to paragraphs forming - a tale
when the story get's too long there's no point in making a stand
for what's right & what's wrong because what's done is done.
what do you do about it ? ignore & endure.
until you come to a certain limit, it becomes too much ; their doubts
even when you know what you did ; wrong nor right
the shield you tried to barricade yourself in couldn't hold up any longer.
you just get, really tired to a point that..
frustration gets to you , but explaining won't do any good either.
only solution, let them have their story the way they want it to.

there's that kind
when the friends you thought were always close to you
only came around when they have their problems
and you suppressed and ignored yours just to comfort theirs.
or sometimes you just sit there, thinking
oh yeah, i forgot - i don't have friends ; REAL ONES

there's that kind
when people were like the sun to you
but you were just one of the stars around them

there's that kind
you find it rare to come across nice people ; that you had to be one
only discovering later why ; because it's tiring.
being nice ; just hardly gets you anywhere - NO SHIT
but at the same time, thinking about doing what others do ; being like them
it just won't make you any better than them

there's that kind
when you come to a point that you're not afraid that they'll stop caring
but to a point that you will.

there's that kind
when being different is hard
when fitting in is dejecting
when being you is too much.

there's that kind
when you just can't be sad , because other's have it worse.
and we just have to suck it up 

then there's that kind
when you try so hard to please the people around you
you tend to forget what makes you happy to remember what makes them happy
you will be willing to give up your happiness just in order for them to achieve theirs


then there's that kind
when you become chaos in their thoughts & poison in their heart ; misunderstandings


then there's that kind
you keep questioning yourself
-what makes you happy the most ?
but you can't find the reason , still figuring it out.
like a fucked up equation , a hard to crack code
but instead of doing nothing
i'm left with figuring out a solution - at least ; something


being sad is one thing
experiencing sadness is one thing
but how do you expect to make others happy around you
when you can't even achieve your own happiness ;
guess sometimes we just gotta be a lil' selfish .